Cricketers and journalists share a funny old rapport.
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It’s a love-hate tale as old as time, with players subjected to scything questions on form and behaviour, often at hours where the winner’s grog — or loser’s obscenities — flows heavily.
And in turn, us scribes must endure the tired maxims of “we focus on ourselves”, “put in a complete effort with bat and ball” et al until our brains boil.
So, I thought, with the game returning in the coming months, why not give readers insight into the biting conversation shared between our own Cricket Shepparton coterie and the fine sports journalists at The News.
Stu on that
Northerners’ newcomer Stuart Turner is well known around the traps for his heroics in Karramomus red over the years, but the following example likely earned him a few champion points off the oval at Vibert Reserve.
Round 12 of the 2019-20 Haisman Shield had the Bloods topple Euroa thanks to a maiden century from Tim Belford, as my esteemed colleague Aydin Payne reported.
Unfortunately for “Punter”, this came during his first week on the job — and Turner smelled blood.
When calling the Karramomus captain for comment, Payne quizzed him about Belford’s absence on day two after smacking the brilliant ton.
The answer Turner gave was quite magnificent, and was as far from the actual reason for Belford’s no show as possible.
‘‘There’s no serious problem for Tim, but he did hurt himself in that celebration trying to emulate Davey Warner,’’ Turner said.
‘‘He carried on like a bit of a pork chop, but he’s right to front up next week and he deserves all the recognition for a brilliant innings.’’
Belford did not injure himself mimicking ‘The Bull’; he was actually out playing golf when his side sailed home to victory.
Regardless, Payne took the bait hook, line and sinker and went with the quotes to print — evidently turning out to assume the role of pork chop here.
I know for certain he’s still filthy about it — so here’s a word to the wise for Turner; you might want to turn up on debut for the Jets, or “Punter” might just return the favour.
Calling Corey (out)
I am not exempt from being the butt of the joke.
When asking for the number of Katandra skipper Corey Hickford during my own early journalistic days, it was delivered with a sheepish grin from a colleague.
“Don’t be surprised if you can’t get on to him” said someone in a quippish manner.
Slightly confused, I dialed Hickford’s digits and was admittedly a tad smug when he answered.
At first.
Halfway through introducing myself and the reason for the call, I was rudely cut off by a jeer of “hahaha got ya, this is Corey’s answering machine”, or something similar.
I was left furiously embarrassed, the office was howling and Hickford had another scalp to his name without having to lift a finger, let alone bowl a ball.
I’ve never played A-grade cricket (and never will), but it’s safe to say the Eagles’ quick left me bamboozled here.
You can bet I had words to say to Hickford about it when I ran into him at The Deck more than a year later.
Nick’s unexpected feature
Old Students all-rounder Nick Breslin is a lot of things.
A fine timer of the ball, a handy off-spinner and a lover of a beverage or 10.
He’s also my cousin.
And so, although upon hearing what I’m about to divulge did not surprise me in the slightest, it did provide some excellent fodder for the next family event/bloodbath.
Years ago, a former member of the News sports desk attempted to get hold of Breslin for a chat and, unlike Hickford, my dear relative obliged in picking up the phone.
Unfortunately, his surroundings afforded no subtlety to what he was up to.
Heard in the background during the chat was the playful jingle of bells, intermittent sirens and the occasional shout of “more chilli”.
For those who aren’t catching on, “Bres” wasn’t enjoying any central American festivities, but was rather pressing away mid-interview on an electronic gaming machine — the “tradies’ laptop”, if you will.
It fast became an anecdote worthy of News sporting lore and was the inspiration behind the column before your eyes.
And to Nick, I consider this fair payback for the time you gave me PVC glue for my 13th birthday.
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