Nashy's Notion | The best of the rest to take down GV Suns

I’m trying to mentally prepare for the day’s game; Tatura v Shepparton United.

But the drizzle isn’t my only worry.

In between the whistle blows and thud of balls echoes a slurred chant following along the lines of “your articles are sh*t, your articles are sh*t.”

I look up.

There, bellowing the utter blasphemy from the veranda, is a fairly intoxicated pack of Goulburn Valley Suns cutting loose on Mad Monday — among them, my own brother.

Despite not knowing whether to laugh, chastise or forever hold my peace, one thought resonated at that moment; ‘I’d love to have a crack at you lot on the park’.

I now may just have the chance.

With the prospect of a testimonial match between the Suns and a Shepparton XI arriving on December 19, there’s a potential opening for the best local footballers to test their mettle against the regions very own semi-professional coterie.

And boy does it get the blood pumping.

While perhaps the crop of talent in Shepparton’s “big four” isn’t as ludicrously decadent as it was a decade ago, there are still plenty of weapons capable of putting the Suns to the sword.

So, strap in as I try not to divide the community in piecing together a rough draft of what this footballing Frankenstein may look like.

Side note: As a journalist, I always strive for impartiality. But let’s address the elephant in the room; I play for Tatura. I’ll try to be as unbiased as possible, but don’t come for my kneecaps if I’ve left out someone you believe needs to be on the list (I’m talking to you, Adrian Corbo).

GOALKEEPER

Daniel Coombs (Tatura). Who guards the onion bag is a tough decision. Shepparton’s Jordan Harvey is a shout after posting a resolute debut season between the sticks for the Reds. Shepparton United and Shepparton South conceded the least amount of goals for the “big four” at 23 apiece. However, I reckon it’s a safe bet throwing the gloves to Coombs. A former Southampton academy product, “Coombsy” produced saves which actually left my jaw hanging in 2019. Let’s just hope he isn’t booked out by Tongala Cricket Club come December 19.

DEFENCE

Nathan Radevski (Shepparton South). A South stalwart, Radevski has marshalled many a defence over the years. United‘s Ardit Gavri showed his goal-scoring prowess from defence last year, and Ibis Jarrod Backway puts in a two-footer like no other, but Radevski’s know how gets the nod from me here.

Hussein Sumaili (Shepparton United). “Hussy” was named as a bench option for the GNEFA All Stars v Melbourne Heart exhibition all the way back in 2013, which shows just how long he’s been doing it at this level. A cool head on capable shoulders, Sumaili could slot in anywhere along the defensive line.

Tim Lardner (Shepparton South/Tatura). Built like a fridge on wheels, Lardner’s methodical manner is akin to a production line; tackle, distribute, tackle, distribute. He galvanised South’s back line in 2019, and while he looks to have punched a ticket to Ibisland for 2021, Lardner wouldn’t look out of place kicking it in defence for any side in regional Victoria.

Adam Rando (Tatura). I still resent him for polling higher than me in the best-and-fairest count, but I can’t deny “DJ Italian Soldier” a spot on the list. Away from his fondness for claiming goals that are certainly not his, Rando is a seasoned campaigner for Tatura and would add invaluable experience to the Shepparton XI’s back line. Though he would likely cop a whack off his marker for some of his typically dire dad jokes.

MIDFIELD

Cody Sellwood (Tatura). First man on the team sheet. Sellwood, otherwise known as “The puppet master”, walked the Bendigo Amateur Soccer League last season. A box-to-box midfielder with just as many talents on the park as off it, I’m sure the former Suns skipper would leap at the chance to bag against his mates. Can see him making life hard for former teammate and “ultimate professional” Jamie England in the engine room.

Frank Mariner (Shepparton). Boasting actual international experience at youth level for Samoa, Shepparton’s skipper is a bull in the midfield. With Mariner, it’s a case of “put it on his chest, he’ll do the rest” — and with the amount of weight he surely benches, good luck missing it. Would love to see him get stuck into a few agricultural 50-50 battles with countryman Willie Sauiluma.

Shaun Kane (Shepparton South). Another who has donned the orange in the past, the burly Scot knows how to hit a ball. Deadly from set pieces and likely to spray more dimes than a maxed out pokie machine, I’m adamant Kane would have Matt “Mudguts” Lelliott seeing red within the first few minutes (it’s not hard so I’m told). Would assume the number 10 role, slotting in perfectly behind fellow Southerner Joel Aitken.

Thomas Leech (Tatura). The man with a traction engine of a left foot smashed home 13 goals from the guts in 2019 — the best of any Tatura player. During his Suns days Leech was wasted at left back, and so I’m sure he wouldn’t mind showing his former club what he can do from in and around the centre circle.

ATTACK

Joel Aitken (Shepparton South). Filling the number nine spot is as straightforward as it comes. South’s talisman affectionately known as “JA” banged home a league-best 24 goals in 2019 and has consistently proved his worth in the local competition. Could the BASL’s best finisher do a job on Jordan Montagner, who also spent time in the black and white before heading to Sun Country? This would answer that question.

Fabrice Ebe (Shepparton United). Apart from possessing serious wheels, Shepparton United’s attacking threat has a bag of tricks Harry Houdini would be jealous of. If thrown him on the wing instead of up front, Ebe wouldn’t have his usual lay of the land going up against either James Lelliott or Greg “Crackles” Nash, however. I’m sure he’d love to get his own back on the Suns — I've heard whispers from back in the day former coach Nick Kalafatis didn't take too kindly to Ebe cannoning shots on goal before training.

BENCH

J. Harvey (Shepparton), B. Barton (Shepparton South) R. Shaholli (United), L. Nash (Tatura), E. Marku (United).