That’s right, football’s back. And the weekend delivered the crunching tackles, outrageous goals and spectacular scenes we’ve been itching for, courtesy of all the brilliant forwards, backs and goalkeepers. Goalkeepers? Oh, you thought I was talking AFL. At Nashy’s Notions we talk sport. All sport.
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Hold on to your horses because today we’re winding back the clock on some of the oddities Premier League, AFL and NRL footballers managed to get caught up in with all that COVID time on their hands.
So, sit back and prepare to get schooled on the good, bad, and downright ugly lockdown moments.
Marcus Cash-ford
Nobody expects much from a cashed up 22-year-old other than smart remarks and dumb luck. So naturally, it rocked Twitter’s stratosphere when Manchester United’s Marcus Rashford decided to roll up his satin sleeves and pick up a placard to campaign for the underprivileged in the UK. It was uplifting when he initiated the crusade, and even more so when he eventually won. His persistence resulted in a government U-turn, meaning disadvantaged families will receive food vouchers throughout the holidays. If only other Premier League stars could also pat down their ridiculously deep pockets and toss some change at something that doesn’t go from 0-60 in three seconds or less.
Kyle Walker-bouts
Now to the other end of the scale. For some of the poor, neglected millionaires who were unable to strap into their supercars or wally about on the field for 90 minutes at a time, conforming to lockdown laws was a cross too heavy to bear. Earlier in April, Tottenham Hotspur defender Kyle Walker broke curfew in spectacular fashion, inviting two escorts over for, well for you get the gist. Boy, did it cost him. Walker incurred a whopping $A453 522 fine for the breach and followed up his act by stating “don’t forget to stay at home, protect the NHS and save lives”. How good is hindsight?
Knife to meet you
It’s not uncommon for footy players to go under the knife, but usually it’s a surgeon wielding the shank. Jack Steven, the Geelong midfielder who joined from St Kilda, came perilously close to missing a large portion of the season after suffering a pretty hefty poke in the chest last month. What’s bizarre is the cloud of uncertainty hanging ominously over the situation, with Steven twice refusing to name the aggressor. Thankfully Steven is back at the Cattery and relishing his remaining eight lives.
Bit skint mate?
Like most of us mere mortals, AFL poster boy Dustin Martin reverted to Zoom as a means of keeping sane throughout lockdown. His call list was probably a little more esteemed than the rest of us, though. Chris Newman, Brett Deledio, Shaun Grigg, Troy Chaplin, Alex Rance — if they could crush the average human with one hand and sport muscles on top of muscles, Dusty probably had a chinwag with them. However, one particularly stood out — and with great reason. “Nathan Foley was the host and he was too much of a tight a**e to get the upgrade, so every 20 minutes we got cut off and had to re-join the chat,” Martin said.
Fishing for trouble
“Firstly, I'd like to apologise for my actions this weekend. Nothing was intentional or deliberate.” Words straight out of the NRL playbook for when they are playing up — and used by players week in, week out, like clockwork. Constant wrist-slapping for sexual misconduct, bar brawling, even the occasional wander into the gaming room hours before kick-off; we can almost understand, if not accept. This is the NRL after all. But baiting a line, that’s new. In March, South Sydney Rabbitohs revelation Latrell Mitchell apologised after being caught rod-handed alongside Melbourne Storm’s Josh Addo-Carr, a big no-no in the mid-pandemic climate. Did it take a team of investigators to reveal their forbidden actions? Not quite. The 22-year-old Addo-Carr documented the entire thing on Instagram.
Eyebrows raised
NRL players were asked to refrain from using dating apps throughout lockdown, which you’d think would be pretty standard practice for sporting professionals during a global pandemic. But seeing as the NRL, is in fact, the NRL, of course debate was sparked on Twitter. One user, @bornin1998, said “How are they going to police that — this thing is getting more and more stupider by the day”. I speculate this was posted by a Canterbury-Bankstown Bulldogs burner account. Then again, Tinder restricts access to the app for those under 18, so I may be wrong.
