Decoding a bride’s language

Let’s break down the most commonly used phrases and translate them into what they really mean.

Bridal glossary

“I just want a simple wedding.”

Translation: I want a Pinterest-perfect, magazine-worthy wedding that somehow still feels effortless.

“It’s not about the gifts.”

But also, if you don’t use the registry and show up with a candle, I’ll remember it forever.

“It’s fine.”

It is absolutely NOT fine. There’s a 98 per cent chance I’m fuming inside.

“I don’t care which dress you pick.” (From the bride to the bridesmaids)

I totally care. There will be an entire group chat meltdown if you pick the wrong one.

“We’re keeping it small and intimate.”

We will invite 150 people and still feel guilty about the ones we left out.

“We’ll DIY it to save money.”

We will spend triple the budget on craft supplies, have an emotional breakdown, and still end up hiring a professional.

“No kids at the wedding.”

Except my flower girl, my ring bearer, my cousin’s baby, and my best friend’s toddler because he’s cute.

“I just want everyone to have a good time.”

But also, if you don’t dance, cry during speeches, and compliment the décor at least five times, I’ll take it personally.

“The groom doesn’t care about the details.”

He thinks ‘dusty rose’ and ‘blush’ are the same colour, so he lost all voting rights.

“We’re sticking to the budget.”

HAHAHA. That lasted five minutes.

“We’re writing our own vows.”

One of us will have a poetic masterpiece, and the other will panic and say something about pizza and sports.

“I don’t want a big cake.”

But I will absolutely throw a fit if the mini cake is not Instagram-worthy.

“It’s a casual wedding.”

There will be a dress code, a seating chart, and my mother-in-law will judge your outfit.

“We don’t need a wedding planner.”

My maid of honour and I will Google ‘how to plan a wedding’ every night at 2am and cry.

“We’ll only do one speech.”

Every family member, bridesmaid, and childhood friend will ‘accidentally’ grab the mic.